I wanna Rock n’ Roll all night!
Journal entry, July 25, 2011: “It’s 3:15 a.m., I’m on my third day with no sleep and Kamp isn’t showing any signs of slowing down. It seems like the longer he goes without sleep the more energy he has, and the more manic he becomes. He is currently standing on the back of our couch and jumping to the floor yelling jibberish at the top of his lungs. The only visible signs of sleep depervation are the deep set circles under his eyes. They are so purple; it looks like someone punched him in the face…then again, maybe he’s a vampire. And with the endless nights, I’m starting to wonder if he is, in fact, a vampire.”
In my “Groundhog Day” post, I talked about Kamp’s regression and how he slips back into old habits. Well, we are once again enduring the, no-way-am-I-sleeping stage. Truth be told, of all the things he does, it’s probably the hardest to endure. Its exhausting, and its not as if I can sleep during the day. Jesse has to work and I have two more kids to take care of. I wish it was as simple as putting him back in bed, or spraying the closet with “monster spray,” turning on a movie, or just locking him in his room.
Kamp doesn’t wake up like a normal human being (yawn and stretch), he’s CRAZY and AWAKE. When he gets up it’s like he’s taken a crazy pill. He is hyper, manic, and won’t sit still. He jumps, and yells, and jabbers to himself, over and over and over again! Turning on the TV doesn’t help because of the language barrier; I’m not sure if he’s had a bad dream, which means I’m unable to take care of the “monster.” Jesse and I are terrified of locking him in his room because he gets violent when he’s upset, and we’re worried he’s going to seriously hurt himself. So, what do we do? We give him melatonin (Melatonin is the natural chemical in your brain that tells you, you’re sleepy; it’s a non-addicting herbal medication.) to help him wind down and go to sleep; but it doesn’t make him stay asleep; and when he gets into his crazy moods, he’ll wake up even with the melatonin. It’s no wonder he and I have had a few, “Come to Jesus” moments on crazy sleepless nights.
It’s maddening to watch your beautiful baby deteriorate right before your eyes, while you’re helpless to help him. It feels like I’m watching him slowly slip further and further away from me, and there is nothing I can do. It’s heart breaking . My sanity may sometimes waiver but I do have a great support system in my brothers and sisters. Jesse and I can still find humor and joy in it all. And who knows, maybe he really is a vampire. I think I’ll start wearing a lot of silver. You know, just in case.